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A large company had a multi-million dollar machine that broke. After trying just about everything they decided to call an engineer who had helped them in the past, but who had been in retirement for years. The old engineer agreed to try an fix the machine and went to the company's building. After a whole day of examining the machine he put an X on one part with a piece of chaulk. They had the part replaced and the maching worked fine. A few days later the company recieved a bill from the engineer for $50,000. They sent an angry letter back demanded an itemized list of everything he had done. The Engineer sent a letter back that said, "One chalk mark $1, Knowing where to put it $49,999."
A hooker who had been working the streets for years finally decided to retire. She had slept with so many creepy perverted men that she decided she would marry a virgin. The retired hooker realized that finding a virgin her age was going to be difficult so she put out and ad in the paper. After a few weeks she settled on a reponse from a computer programmer from australia and the two got married. On the wedding night the retired hooker went into the bathroom to put on her nightie. When she came back she found her new husband had stacked the bed and all of the furniture in to the corner of the room. This seemed rather kinky to her so she asked her husband if he was really a virgin. The husband then said, "Yes, I just figured if it's anything like having sex with a kangaroo we're gonna need all the room we can get." A retired couple is talking when the husband asked the wife, "What will you do if I die before you?" The wife replies, "well I'll probably live with some younger women since I'm so active I think I could keep up with them." She then asks her husband, "What about you, what will you do if I die first." The husband answers, "Probably the same thing." An old teacher was retiring one year so all of her students brought her presents. The first student, who's mom was a chocolate dealer, brought the teacher some chocolate. The second student, who's mom was a florist brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The third student's mother worked at a liquor store, her son came up to the teacher with a box that was dripping. The teacher looked at the box and even tasted the liquid from the box and said, "I bet thats some sort of fine wine in there." The student replied, "Nope my mom's a bitch, the puppy in the box must have taken a piss."
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